F@%K You, 2010

Dear 2010,

Blow me. Oh, wait, you already did. You killed Bob, my best friend, but not before you put him through a bunch of pain, fucked up his colon and then out of nowhere blinded him for no good reason. And don’t think that by making his last days on Earth warm and sunny ones, where he could soak up and bask in a sun he could no longer see even begins to make up for the shit you dealt the rest of the year.

Also, fuck you 2010, for killing my neighbor’s wife; five (FIVE? are you shitting me?) of my friends’ long-time and much-loved animal companions and a bunch of other fine people I knew only from their work; like Dennis Hopper, Dixie Carter, Alexander McQueen, Blake Edwards and Elizabeth Edwards! WTF, 2010?

And what about all those poor people in Hati you killed or otherwise made miserable beyond human comprehension? Fuck you for that in spades 2010!!!!

2010, you even manged to FUCK UP OUR EGGS!!! DAMN YOU FOR MESSING WITH THE BEST BREAKFAST THING EVER!!! I’m serious! Eggs? WTF was wrong with you, 2010?

Screw you for toying with hope- sure, you rescued those miners in Chile, which, I have to admit was pretty fucking awesome, but then, just a few weeks later, you killed a bunch of other miners in New Zealand, before we’d even gotten over our collective hope hangover. Way to pop all the bubbles in that Chilean sparkling wine, 2010.

Screw you 2010, for giving one of my friends cancer, then, just a few weeks after she’d beaten it, giving cancer BACK to another one of my friends. WTF?

I’m sensing a pattern here, 2010: Fuck up someone real bad, then make ’em better, then wait a week and screw up someone else even worse.

2010, you are the Amon Göth of years; you let a prisoner “escape” your Concentration Camp of a year, and then, just as they’ve cleared the fence, their face a beacon of ecstasy and hope, you fucking shoot them down with your sniper rifle and then eat your breakfast, no doubt with some of those goddamn infected eggs.

Fuck you 2010. Good riddance and may the door slap your ass hard on the way out.

PS: Is it any wonder this was the best single of 2010?


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