Shocking Revelations



Mom, February, 2008, originally uploaded by Maggie Osterberg.

25 Random Things About Me

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

This should (but might not) be interesting!

Right! Let’s go!

1. When I was 12 I had a plantar wart on my right big toe that looked like the face of Jesus.

2. At one point in the 1980’s, due circumstances surrounding my employment, I was the President of a Latin American country for 3 hours and 26 minutes.

3. Mark Knopfler once asked me to shit in his hand.

4. I had a radio show in Kearney, NE where all we did was order different delivery pizzas and then interview the delivery drivers.

5. I am cholesterol free!

6. The 14th smartest child in the United States for 1976 was my next door neighbor.

7. I am banned from the Mossad’s break room at the UN.

8. I refuse to eat strawberries, because every time you poop after eating one, it’s like hundreds of little strawberry abortions when you flush the toilet.

9. Once, I was in the desert. It was the middle of the day. Nothing but sand and cracked dirt for miles around and there, in the middle of nothing, was a turtle, lying on it’s back. I didn’t flip it over. I don’t know why, OK? I just didn’t. JESUS! This TEST IS STUPID!!!

10. The only French sentence I have memorized is this one: “Jóhanna Sigurardóttir est une femme politique islandaise, premier ministre de l’Islande depuis le 1er février 2009.”

11. My first pet was a de-scented striped skunk named “Checkers.” We had to put Checkers to sleep after she bit off the tip of the index finger of then Governor of Nebraska, Norbert “Nobby” T. Tiemann

12. I am banned for life from a Canadian restaurant in San Francisco’s Outer Sunset district, due to a racially insensitive remark I made about myself and my scarf-wearing, alcoholic ancestors. Hey, I was drunk.

13. I am a teetotaler.

14. I was arrested but not indicted for cleaning a pheasant in my motel room’s sink.

15. Nail polish is named after my birth mother’s maternal grandfather.

16. I come from the land of the ice and snow OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH!

17. Bill Frist attempted to dissect me in medical school.

18. I tried the veal once. Yes, of course, I tipped my server.

19. N-n-n-n-nineteen.

20. For years, I would drink as much Belgian beer as possible before performing Shakespeare, because I thought it was written in Lambic Pentameter.

21. I had a ten inch penis.

22. There is a vial of used embalming fluid, stolen from Lenin’s mausoleum, in a box under my bed.

23. Heights are afraid of ME.

24. Morgan Fairchild is my ex-wife.

25. Everything in this note, including this sentence, is a lie. Except the stuff that isn’t. Ain’t I a stinker?

(Yeah, it’s recycled from Facebook, but hey, it’s Sunday and there is actually a football game on today, so there.)

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